Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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