they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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