There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
