I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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