I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
