we're blogging at a bar
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
