New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
