my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
