I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
