is your mom at the bar?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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