He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
