he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
