U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
