the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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