He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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