Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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