I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
