Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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