he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
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and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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