Barsexuality is the new black.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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