I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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