At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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