I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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