Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
