I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
