my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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