watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
