I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
