life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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