my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
