i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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