So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
