i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
