I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
