maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i've created a new STD.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
