hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
