Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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