just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
