i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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