oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Someone shattered a urinal.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
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Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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