There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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