You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
