So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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