Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
