Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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