I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
