This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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