Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
