I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
