Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
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We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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