We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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