you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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