we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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