I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize