help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
