Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Panties = found
Randomize
