She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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