No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
