Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
