Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
