I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
