I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
