We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
