If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
