Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
