Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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