I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
