Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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