Actions speak louder than pants.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
