..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
