Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
