I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
