He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
