I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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