did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
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There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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