More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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