I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
