your room smells of hookers.
And success
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
