You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Two words: nipple clamps
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