So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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