I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
